Category : Stories

Sub Category : Drama

Its been three years, since my recovery and to date, I've made major strides for the embetterment of not only my life but that of my kids. I've walked away from many hurtful and harmful relationships and started attending night school to complete my GED. Now I'm busy planning on becoming an English tutor in hopes to not only assist me financially at home but to also fund my dream business. Yes my plans have been set and now I will work my butt off to achieve them. Since the "breakdown" I've made and seen alot of differences and how much healthier my life has become. I live a much peaceful life now and way less stressful. My only thing that I couldn't give up was my marraige of fifteen years. Sad yet true I refused to give up I kept fighting, hoping, praying for some miracle that he would change. Unfortunately that was not the case. So now and even though it pains to a point of in explainable torture, I've come to realise and admit to myself its never going to happen I'm living in a really sick and twisted relationship called a marriage. This is a type of reality where I'm constantly and repeatedly abused not only in the physical sense but also in an emotional sense  and I had to admit that its no longer what I want or even need because that shit has slowly begun to drain the life source from me I find it fucking stupid that I'm making major strides in all aspects of my life but I'm stuck here. Sure I love him, the type of love that you would read in books of, the type that has the fairytale endings, damn he was my fairytale when I saw him I saw us old and wrinkled that we more or less resembled prunes and yet we still loved and cared for each other irrevocably. Sadly it's always been one sided and I was much to blind by my love that I refused to see. Now however my eyes are wide open and the truth is excruciatingly painful that even though I'm breaking my heart into a trillion pieces I've found myself begging the lord to help me surpass this trail to help me not give a fuck and to harden my heart so I'm able to on with my life. I have begged the lord and I will keep begging him to help in this dilemma so that I can prosper and maybe just maybe one day  I will find that person that soul who will truly make me his everything who will cherish me and my every scar, who will be proud to hold my hand in public and call me his or give me sweet kisses or pick me wild flowers just cause its Tuesday or  take the time to learn what and who I am and love me more because its who I am. Who will see my so called short comings as blessings rather than flaws and will encorage me to be the best the he knows I can be. I yearn for that type of love and commitment because that is what I will give in return should I ever find love again. But for now I pray the lord will be my savior and help me through this hardship so I will be able to breath and live a life filled with love of my children  and the  respect and peace I deserve .. love will follow eventually if it was meant to be.....